My Mommy Memoirs

Kish's Recipe for a St. Patty's Day Disaster...often attempted, never duplicated!!! by Kirsten Noel Neat on Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 12:15pm · 1. Start out with a green shamrock pancake breakfast and set of 18 month old twins. 2. Add 2 packages of rainbow fruitsnacks as bribery while you take a shower. 3. Put on your only green shirt and the two cutest green outfits you can find on your twins. 4. Take about 15 minutes fixing the twins' hair. 5. Pack up the kids to run your errands...then spend about 10 minutes looking for your keys. 6. Drive to quick trip for a soda. At this point, the twins will realize that they are thirsty and want some of your soda. You will give them a sip and quickly realize what a dumb thing you are doing. Promptly drive home to get them their own sippy cups. 7. Run said errands. At this point, one of your sippy cups will drip all over the place and the other will be downed in about 2 minutes. 8. This is the key step: Just as you pull into your driveway, you will hear a gag and cough. Turning around at this point, you will spot the twin who downed all of that cold water barfing green pancake and rainbow fruit snacks all over the car. They will both be crying. 9. Get the wet twin out of the car and set her in the laundry room while you retrieve the barfy twin out of the car. While you are removing the barfed on clothes, the other twin will, of course, dump the dog food into the dog water. 10. Gently place the dirty twin in the bathtub. You will notice the wet twin has a gross dish rag at this point but ignore her. 11. Take a few minutes to take your eddie bauer carseat (yes the one with all of the fancy headrests and shoulder pads etc) out of the van, then go into the laundry room to take it apart and wash it. 12. Go back into the bathroom, at this point, you will realize the wet twin has taken the dirty dishrag and sopped the floor. You will also realize that the dirty twin has taken the toilet brush into the bath with her and of course, at this point, you really have to pee. 13. You will walk quickly into the bathroom, grab the toilet brush, start to take down your pants while trying not to have an "accident" yourself because you are laughing so hard. Then you will slip on the water mid stride, with your pants down, and catch your balance on the sink. Of course, after this whole ordeal, expect to be out of toilet paper. 14. Get the twins out of the bathroom, wash both of their clothes, feed them lunch, and put them down for a nap. 15. As you write this all down, you think you can smell a little bit of barf still and realize its likely on your shirt. But you don't change, because, after all, it's St. Patty's day, and this is the only green shirt you have.

What the???I have a blog?

Is it possible that you are so lame that you completely forget you even have a blog? Answer, Yes, and I can prove it. I went to blogger and thought to start one up and I didn't have to do much! So, Here is the "Best Of" The last few years, courtesy of my facebook posts. 2/8/2013 Me:What do ya'll want for dinner. Caleb: don't worry, I already ate. I microwaved some salmon. My dad will be so proud. ****** Literally the last 6 sentences I have spoken: (Ava has slowly undressed and is totally naked laying on the beanbag chair) Ava, why are you naked? 2 min; Ava, get your hands out of your bum! 3 min, AVA, GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THE BUM! Gross, Ava, get your hands out of your mouth! (I spot panties and throw them at her) Here, Ava, put your panties on. 5 min, Ava get your hands OUT OF YOUR BUM! Oh, well then get your PANTIES out of your bum, and put them on. This is why stay at home moms go crazy! 2/5/13 5 pm...finally finished cleaning up the messes from yesterday, only to find they resourcefully took this time of my inattention to use an entire box of Mr sketch markers, their stuffed animals, and anything that can stand still as a medium to display their creativity and artistic talent in the girl's room. Not to worry, they attempted to clean it all up by pouring cups of "pee water" (aka unflushed toilet water) all over it. Thank goodness for cellphones and husbands who can talk you out of a nervous breakdown.... I love my.children, I love my children. 2/4/13 Sometimes I think that my little guy is purposely trying to drive me insane: Rotary cutter trough the fabric that I painstakingly measured and cut last night for a table cloth, big cut in thumb with same rotary cutter, jumping on sisters, taking down my decorative candle and hacking it to pieces with a steak knife, breaking the DVD player, carving lines into the doorframe of the hall closet. All in the course of 2 hours. i need to go to bed 1/27/13 This is cute. Ava calls Mount Rainier "Mountain Reindeer". No one can bear to tell her she's saying it wrong because we don't want her to stop. So, just like Landa Park became "Land of Park", Mount Rainier is now "Mountain Reindeer". She was looking for Rudolph there yesterday, but Lydias red nose was the.closest we got. Wow, what a day! Started with a hike through the trees and along the beach. Ended with sledding and driving through snowflakes the size of quarters on Mount Rainier. Then I came home and potted some primroses and hyacinths. Too bad my kids drive me crazy in the car. Well, that was boring for me, so never mind. If you want a good story, check facebook, I have about a thousand.

McDonalds Mishap

I swear, I couldn't make some of this stuff up. I have a cool diaper holder. It's sort of a pouch that holds a portable wipes container with elastic loops on the other side to hold diapers....called a dwipee. So I was at McDonalds yesterday, changing sweet Lydia's Diaper. It was an oddly placed diaper table, close in proximity to the toilet. Just as I got her diaper off, she got excited as usual and started kicking away....she kicked my cool dwipee right into the Mcdonalds yucky toilet! I had to move FAST to grab it before all my diapers got soaked. I was able to salvage one diaper and carried that pee soaked dwipee by two fingers back to the car. If I had a tail, it definitely would have been between my legs. If there was music playing, it would have definitely been Charlie Brown's moping theme (the one they used on Arrested Development.) Does this sort of stuff only happen to me?

I know this picture turned out fuzzy, but I thought Laura and Caleb were so cute cuddling together. They really love eachother! Caleb is always trying to do whatever Laura does and Laura is getting to be so patient with that little brother of hers (translation:she doesn't hit him anymore)

Mother's Day

I thought I would take a moment for mother's day. My children were so sweet and cute today. They were a handful, as always, but I was just happy to be a mother. I just love those kids!!!